The Day the BUMs Died
by Invader Zil
Summary: A doom fic about how the BUMs shall meet their untimely end. Ah well. Read and Review. Rating for violence/language...but how else would a BUM fanfic be good w/o violence??? Have a nice day.
1. The Beginning

The War  
  
By Invader Zil  
  
Disclaimer-Invader Zim doesn't belong to me. If it did, an episode would have been made about IZ character killing BUMs a looooooong time ago. By the way, the Butt Ugly Martians don't belong to me; they belong to their hideous creators, whoever they may be.  
  
Someone-Shut up and get on with the fic!  
  
Me-Okay. On with the fic! Flames will be saved until the summer when I go camping to help start the fire.  
  
/We are the Martians, the Butt Ugly Martians! /  
  
Ever since that hideous song was heard nationwide, a group of enraged Zim fans knew that it was doomed.  
  
/We don't really want a war/  
  
They don't want a war? They practically asked for a war by being so horrible!  
  
/I just wanna hoverboard/  
  
Hoverboard this, Mike! [Angry BUM haters throw toast at him.]  
  
Zil was sitting at her base, eating breakfast. So innocent. So unknowing. And then, her eeevil sister turned the channel to Nick. The evil theme song of that horrible show flooded that room and the kitchen, where Zil was. When Zil heard it, her eye twitched. She dropped her spoon in her bowl and turned her head very slowly to her sister, chewing Fruit Loops.  
  
She swallowed. "Never let me hear that song EVER AGAIN!" Zil yelled at her sister.  
  
"But I thought that you liked the Butt Ugly Martians," Rachel, (the sister) said.  
  
Zil's eye twitched for the second time before she lunged at her sister. Her sister dodged the attack.  
  
"NEVER INSULT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!" Zil screeched. Rachel ran for refuge upstairs. Straightening herself, Zil went into her mom's office, where the computer with Internet was. She went to her wonderful guild on Neopets (it's called IZ Thrillers, Martian Killers, headed by Cryingchildandrir go join if you haven't already) and posted a topic on the message board entitled 'Doom Fic'. She was going to suck some friends into her weird world of ficciness. Zil laughed manically as she typed. 


	2. Transported!

Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer-I own nothing except myself! Kiko Match belongs to Neopets, IZ belongs to Jhonen Vasquez (sp?) and of course, all my friends (Ztarlight, Gaz Destiny, Kami, Sugarbaby, Pefgh and Cryingchild are great authors and they belong to themselves.  
  
Same Person-Shut up and get on with the fic!  
  
Zil-ARGH! Who are you anyway?  
  
Person-I is POOP DOG!  
  
Zil-Oh great. Okay, here is the story. (By the way, Poop Dog belongs to JV too.)  
  
Zil stared at her computer screen. She typed a few messages in the guild about her story before going to games. She played a few rounds of Kiko Match to get some money. But, alas, her mind wandered, and she sat at eh computer, aimlessly clicking away at the Kick things.  
  
She went back to the guild. Impatience overtook her and she was going to zap everyone into fanfic world without their consent. Well, Gaz Destiny, Ztarlight, and Kami knew. Zil stuck a piece of paper to her forehead with words written on it. It read-'Fanfic world-transport Invader Zil, Ztarlight, Sugarbaby, Cryingchild, Kami and Irken Insane. (Pefgh.) Another section on the paper read-'transport 2-Zim, Gaz, Gir and Dib. Destination- World of BUMs!!!'  
  
Zil pressed the paper down harder on her head. She whispered some inaudible words and then-poof!- everyone that had their name on the paper appeared in a heap, Zim on the bottom.  
  
"Eh?! What is this?" Zim demanded. "Get off me!"  
  
Everyone rolled out of the pile.  
  
"Where are we?" asked Dib.  
  
"How did we get here?" asked Pefgh.  
  
"AHHHHH!!! My sugar!" cried Sugarbaby.  
  
Zil cleared her throat. "Excuse me," she said. Nobody stopped talking. "Excuse me," she said a little louder. They continued talking. "HEY!" Zil shouted. Everyone froze. Even Gaz looked up from her game. "Dib- we're in the world of the Butt Ugly Martins, as much as I hate to say it." Gir, along with a few other people let out a scream. "We got here by…" Zil paused for effect. "PAPER MAGIC!" she finished with a flourish. People gave each other puzzled looks. Zil sighed. "And we're here to DOOM THE BUMS!"  
  
Everyone cheered.  
  
"AW MAN!" Gaz said. Everyone looked at her. They thought that she didn't want to doom BUMs like the rest of them. But, she surprised everyone. "I hope that we don't have to wait too long!" They watched, amazed, as Gaz put away her Gameslave. Everyone began cheering again.  
  
"How are we going to find them?" asked Gaz Destiny.  
  
"Let's have a search-like thing," suggested Zim.  
  
"Good idea," said Kami.  
  
"Okay…lemme see…" Zil said. "Dib, Sugarbaby and me are in a group, Ztar, Kami, Gaz Destiny and Gaz be another team, and then Zim, Gir, Pefgh and Cryingchild be another."  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" asked Kami.  
  
"Just go around asking where Mike the Weird Hair Boy lives," said Cryingchild.  
  
"If anyone sees Herb, resist the urge to kill him, he's mine!" said Gaz Destiny.  
  
"I claim Angela!" said Pefgh.  
  
After everybody had claimed a person to inflict their own personal type of wrath on, the groups separated and looked for their much-hated enemies. 


	3. Doomin Martians

Chapter Three  
  
"Come on, it's been at least an hour," whined Sugarbaby.  
  
"No, it hasn't" said Dib. It's been exactly five minuets."  
  
Zil's group wandered through the streets. Hardly anyone was out.  
  
"Quit it," said Zil. She was becoming impatient as her eyes scanned the street. "Shhh," she said. "There's a person!" Zil pointed down the road to a lady walking around. The trio caught up with her, by various shortcuts involving a lot of crashing noises.  
  
"Excuse me, but do you know where Mike Weird-Hair-Boy lives?" asked Sugarbaby innocently.  
  
"Oh, yes," the woman said, surprised at Sugarbaby's description. "His house is right there." She pointed to a large, white house that was—right in front of them.  
  
"Thank you human!" Zil said as they walked up the driveway. They went up to the porch. Inside they heard music…horrible music.  
  
/You came; you saw, you conquered me; it's a love invasion! / (A/N-yes, they really had that song on the show. /  
  
"Ohhh…" groaned Dib. "Make it stop!!!"  
  
"Sorry, Dib," Zil said. "We've gotta stay on the porch until the others come." So the three sat on the porch with their ears covered, desperately waiting to the other two groups to show up.  
  
"Where are we?" asked Gaz Destiny.  
  
"I don't know," said Kami. "Wish we had a map of this stupid place."  
  
Gaz had long since gotten bored and started playing her Gameslave again.  
  
"Hey, let's go into that fast-food place," suggested Ztarlight.  
  
"Good idea," said Kami.  
  
"Maybe Herb's in there, so I can kill him off early," said Gaz Destiny. "Don't want that bag of pus in out way when the real stuff comes around."  
  
The group went into the restaurant. There were only a handful of people in there. At the counter stood Herb.  
  
"Eh…" said Ztar. The mere sight of him made her sick.  
  
They went up to him.  
  
"Hey, Target Practice, where's Mike Weird-Hair-Boy's house?" Gaz Destiny asked.  
  
"It's down that road. It's 324 West Avenue. It's big and white and—"  
  
"STOP TALKING!" said Gaz. Apparently his voice annoyed her as much as the others.  
  
Grateful for Gaz's outburst, the group went outside. Before leaving, Gaz Destiny had one more thing to do.  
  
"Hey, Target Practice," she called again.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked like an idiot.  
  
Gaz Destiny casually poked her head in from the doorway. Gun behind her back, she said "Thanks for the directions!" with a cheery smile. She lifted the gun and pulled the trigger of the laser gun at Herb's head and shot. No more annoying voice.  
  
"Thank goodness that's over with," Ztar said. Like Herb had said, they went down the road and there was the white house. They saw Zil, Sugarbaby and Dib, eyes wide, shaking from overdose of the horrible music.  
  
"Hi guys!" said Kami cheerily. Her face fell and her left eye twitched insanely. "What's that sound???" she growled, eye still going. Thankfully, Zim's group was walking up the driveway just then, because Kami launched herself through the door. Her body's outline remained, permanently in the wood. Zim, Gir, Pefgh and Cryingchild raced up the porch, just in time to see Kami screaming at the people inside. Mike and Angela sat on the couch, watching Cedric and the aliens make fools of themselves.  
  
"STOP SINGING!!!" she screeched. The kids and aliens, both surprised, looked at her. Kami stayed there for a second before jumping on B. Bop and ripping pieces of his head off. "You suck at singing! Ah HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" she continued to pick the flesh from his skull. When she was done, she gorged his eyes out and shot him with her small but powerful laser gun, reducing him to dust.  
  
"Anyone else wanna make a career out of singing???" Kami asked.  
  
"Uh…hi," said Cedric to the cast of invaders. Unfortunately, that wasn't heard. The whole IZ team was on the ground, squealing with laughter.  
  
"That wasn't funny!" said 2-T. "He was our friend."  
  
Zil stopped laughing long enough to give a comment. "He may have been your friend, but he was a sucky singer!!!"  
  
"Wait until Bog finds out about this!!!" said Do-Wah.  
  
"Bog?!" Zim said from the floor. "Bwa-ha!!!" What a joke!"  
  
"Bog'll kick your little green @$$!" said Do-Wah.  
  
"Ha Uh huh. Your race couldn't take out the weakest Irken on our planet."  
  
For a moment, the 3 humans and 2 remaining aliens could be heard choking on their own throats.  
  
"Y-you're Irken Invader Zim?!" said 2-T in disbelief.  
  
"Yup," Zim said. "And here to kick your blue @$$!!!"  
  
"Yo…we're sorry about your time slot," said Mike nervously. "But it's not our fault."  
  
"Shut up weird hair boy!" said Cryingchild. She jumped forward with a razor. A cloud of dust rose around the two, hiding them from view. Before long, the razor was heard going and seconds later, Mike's 'weird hair' fell on the floor a few feet away from the battle right in front of the audience, with pieces of scalp still stuck to it. It was about five seconds more before the IZ team was down again, dying of laughter. The remaining members of the BUM team stood appalled.  
  
Finally, Cryingchild emerged the victor. Irregular pieces of his body were strewn about the floor near Cryingchild. She clicked off her razor. The room was silent.  
  
"Who thinks I should be a barber?" she asked.  
  
Just then, Angela started crying.  
  
"Miiiiiike," she wailed.  
  
"Shut up, pathetic earth-worm," said Pefgh. Irritably. Pefgh ran to her, jumped and did a fantastic, perfect, not to mention forceful, roundhouse kick that took Angela's head clean off of her shoulders. Pefgh landed in a neat crouch position upon landing. She was greeted by cheering.  
  
The IZ team formed a semi-circle around 20T, Do-Wah and Cedric.  
  
"Whoa—" said 2-T. "I'm sure that we can talk this over." And then he did that annoying thing where he puts his bottom lip over his front one. Zim closed an eye before screaming—  
  
"YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE OF AN ALIEN INVADER TEAM LEADER THAT I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON!!!" and then shoving 2-T's head through the wall. 2-T pulled his head out of the wall only to have Zim's fist punch him in the face hard and send him back into the wall. This happened over and over again. The IZ team stood speechless, watching Zim put 2-T's head through the wall over and over again.  
  
"STOP IT!!!" Zil screamed. Everyone looked at her, even 2-T, with much difficulty since his face was covered in blood and one eye was practically out of its socket. She stuck a laser gun in Zim's Martian-blood adorned gloved hand. "Use this."  
  
Zim set the laser to burn and shot a flamethrower that any pyromaniac would be proud of. 2-T burned for awhile, running around before his charred corpse fell to the ground. Zil threw up on it.  
  
"Thank Tallest that's over with," she said wiping her mouth. "Sheesh, Zim, don't get you mad."  
  
Cedric and Do-Wah were leaning against each other for support.  
  
"Ahhhh," Do-Wah moaned softly. "What do we do now?"  
  
Now, we all know how very annoying Do-Wah's voice is, right? And we all know how very easily annoyed Gaz can get, right? Right.  
  
Upon hearing that annoying voice, Gaz's fingers slipped off the controls of her Gameslave and she lost. It was the last level, too.  
  
Gaz looked up and gave Do-Wah her extra-ten-times-worse-than-normal- death stare, which she had never ever used. She got up and pulled two sporks out of nowhere. She walked up to him and stuck the two sporks in his eyes. Jelly came out. Then she put her head on his head and squeezed the skin. There was a little ball forming on the top of his head and his skin was thinning out over the rest of his body. Then-riiiiiiiiiiiip! – Do-Wah had skin on more. His organs fell from his skeleton and his eyes with the sporks still in them fell to the ground. Gaz walked triumphantly away. Only Cedric was left. 


	4. Cedric and Stoat's turn

Chapter Four  
  
The IZ group formed a circle around Cedric. It was Sugarbaby's turn to doom now. She put on a super sweet voice and a cute look. "So, Cedric, was that your music we heard earlier?" Cedric, surprised at her act before carefully answering "Y-yeah. You like it?" Suddenly, Sugarbaby's cute act vanished. "NO! IT NEARLY DROVE ME INSANE! AND THE BAD KIND TOO!" She leapt at him with another bottle of acid and another Spork. They have never ending supplies you know. She plunged the spork down his throat and dug around until she flung out a little square box marked 'voice box'. Cedric's screams were no longer heard. Sugarbaby opened the acid and poured it down his throat. Cedric soon stopped twitching and fell down next to Do-Wah's skin. The IZ crowd cheered. They all plopped down on the couch. After about a half hour of talking, the huge screen of the T.V. turned on automatically. "Hello Faithful Alien Hunters!" called a retarded voice from the screen. "It is I, Stoat Muldoon, here to protect the world from eViL aLiEn ScUm." Zim shouted in anger and leapt at the screen. He. Fell off. "If you see these aliens-" Stoat Muldoon's head was replaced by the picture of 2-T, Do-Wah and B. Bop "-Make sure to contact me at 114 Street St." He threw out his chest. "Together, we can protect the world from evil alien scum! Paranormal investigators and alien hunters alike!" Dib choked. "Paranormal investigators?! He gives them a bad name! I'm gonna go.rain some doom on him! It's rain doom, right?" "Yeah sure Dib, whatever," said Zim rolling his eyes. Dib ran out the door. "Wait Dib, buddy system!" Sugarbaby said, grabbing Zil and running out the door. Awhile later, Dib, Sugarbaby and Zil were in front of Stoat Muldoon's lab-thingy. Dib wasted no time. He kicked open the door. He was still taping that horrible show. Stoat Muldoon looked over. "Eh? Fans? Sorry, but you'll have to wait until after the show," he said. "After the show?" Dib retorted. "You won't be here after the show." Dib pulled out a cool-lookin' laser gun and neutralized Stoat Muldoon with it. He was reduced to a pile of ash. "That's for giving Paranormal Investigators a bad name." He drew himself up and waved to the floating camera. Then he ran out the door where Zil and Sugarbaby were talking to two other girls. "Who are you?" Dib asked. "YAY! Zrab, we've come to the right place!!"  
  
"Huh?" Zil and Sugarbaby said at the same time. "Are we in time to doom stuff?" asked the other girl. "Woah, slow down," Zil said. "You guys are InvaderZim29 (Z) and Zrab from the guild, right? Cool!" "Yup," they said. "We're all at Mike's house," Dib said. "We already got everybody." "Aw.okay," said Z. They walked back to Mike's house together. "Hey, you guys, we have two new recruits!" Sugarbaby said as they walked through the door. "Hi guys!" Ztar said. "It's Rab and Z!" CC said. Just then, a mechanical barking sound echoed across the room and a chrome dog entered and looked around. 


	5. Bye Bye Bog

Chapter Five  
  
The chrome dog barked. Its name-Dog. Gir looked up. "Friend!" he exclaimed. "No Gir," said Zim. "BUM ally." Of course, Gir didn't listen. He went up to Dog with a package of cupcakes he got out of nowhere. Gir shoved the cupcake at the Dog. The cupcake landed in his mouth and flooded his "complex" gears and his "complex" microchip. Then, Dog died. "I guess he didn't like the cupcake," Gir said sadly, before skipping off into the kitchen, nearly crashing into Sugarbaby, who was returning from the kitchen. "Look what I found!" she said triumphantly, holding up two ten-pound bags of sugar. "Wonderful," Zim said sarcastically. "Human food." he said in an undertone. Sugarbaby was just getting started on her second bag when there was a pounding on the door. Zrab strode over and opened the door. "Who's there?" she said to no one. "Down here," said an annoyed voice. Zrab looked down. "Who are you?" she asked. "I am Bog, emperor of the Martian Empire," he said in a superior voice. Zrab rolled her eyes. He was short, even shorter than Zim. But Zim's cute-short. Bog was just stupid. "*You!*" Shouted Zil. "*You're* the reason that those Butt-Idiot Martians are here!?" "I DOOM! DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Zil grabbed her knapsack. Bog looked at her. "What? Damage, get over here!" But Damage wasn't fast enough. Zil had already grabbed the.don don doooooooon.THE RADIOACTIVE TOAST! Zil threw the radioactive toast at Bog. Upon contact with the skin, the toasts acidic properties burned through. "AHHHHHH!" screamed Bog, running around in circles. "AHHHHH!" Dr. Damage appeared from around the house. When he saw Bog, he cheered. "Damage you idiot!" were Bog's last words before the radioactive toast burned through his throat. Then, "mighty emperor Bog" fell to the ground. "Yippie!" Damage said. He walked over to the IZ crew. "You're not going to do that to me are you?" he asked nervously. "Um.yeah.." Zim said. Zrab and IZ29 appeared on both sides of him. Each grabbed an arm. They swung him once..twice..thrice..then, they let go. Damage flew through the atmosphere, engulfed in flame along the way. "Yay!" cheered the remaining. Zrab and IZ29 took a bow. "Well, that's all of 'em," said CC contently. "We did it! Yeah!" said Pefgh. "Lez have a party!!!" said Sugarbaby. And they did. 


	6. Nighttime

Six Hours Later I guess..chapter 5 ½  
  
The IZ team was sprawled out in various positions on the couch. Most were sleeping, but Ztar, CC, Zim, Pefgh and Dib lay awake talking. "What are we going to do tomorrow morning?" asked CC. "I dunno.wake up, eat food-" suggested Pefgh. "No!" Zim said in a harsh whisper. "I have enough problems with human food in my world." "Lucky for you, I brought Irken food," Ztar said. "Heh.there's Ztar for ya, always prepared," said CC. "Wow! Really! Can I eat that?" "Sure. The rest of us can eat regular food." "How do we know its not poisoned?" asked Dib. "Sugarbaby ate the sugar didn't she?" said Pefgh. "Can you guys cook?" "I can.sorta. Toast is my specialty!" said CC. "I can do waffles!" said CC. "And I wanna make bacon!" said Dib. "Really?" asked CC, Ztar and Zil. "*Yeah*. Boys can cook too you know." "Okay, so bacon and eggs with toast. I'll get Gir to help me with muffins!" said Pefgh. "What am I supposed to do?" asked Zim. "You can.serve in a pink frilly apron," Pefgh said, stifling her laughter. "Take out the frilly apron part and I'll do it," he said, half laughing at the joke. "And after breakfast we can go home," said Ztar. "I'm going to bed," said Dib, looking at his watch. "It's almost two in the morning." "It's only two?" said Ztar. "I'm going to find a room that I can sleep in," Pefgh said, taking a bottle of disinfectant from her pocket and shaking it. "Anyone else wanna come?" She carefully stepped off of the couch, taking care not to step on anyone. "Night." "Night," they said. Pefgh walked through the halls of the strange house. She finally found Mike's room. After spraying it with the disinfectant, she crawled into his bed and slept on top of the sheets, trying to keep herself as contained as possible. "It's like sleeping in poop," Pefgh said to herself. Pefgh was just dozing off when Ztar poked her head in. "Hi," she whispered. "It's kinda crowded in there so.." "Yup," Pefgh said. She motioned to the bunk above her and the little bed next to the bottom bunk. "There's a lot of beds in here," Ztar commented as she climbed up the ladder. "Disinfectant?" she asked when she got up. Pefgh handed it to her. Ztar used it and threw it on the beanbag chair next to the little bed. "Thanks," she said. They both fell asleep. 


	7. All Over

Chapter Five  
  
Zil woke up that morning to Zrab elbowing her eye. Zil lifted her arm and moved it out of her eye socket. She stretched and hit someone in the face. She looked to see who it was. "Sorry Zim," she whispered. "Izzokay," he mumbled and rolled over. Zil got up off of the couch, walked around the people and went into the kitchen. She did a few fuates (sp..ballet turns..) before noticing Sugarbaby and Gir eating out of the same bag of sugar. "Hiya," she said "'Lo," Zil said. "My chicken!" Gir said, grabbing the sugar and running off. "Hey!" said Sugarbaby. She ran after Gir. "Well, there's nothing else to do until the others wake up," she said to herself. She went back to the living room. Her spot on the couch had been taken, so she went to look for the room where she thought Pefgh and Ztar were. She didn't see Dib either. She walked down the hall and found the room. She entered quietly and saw Dib curled up on the beanbag chair. Zil slipped into the little bed, noticing how tired she was. She was asleep in less than a minute.  
  
2 Hours Later  
  
"Hey, Zil, wake up, its 7," Zim said. Zil opened her eyes. "Okay," she said. She stood up on the bed and jumped on it. "Hey Pefgh, Ztar, Dib, time to wake up!" "Oh please, shut up, I hate it when people do that," Ztar said. "Almost as annoying as those blank messages just to get the away message," (inside joke.) Ztar said. "Haha, just kidding," she added. Zil laughed. A few sugar packets later, the cooking crew was active as Zil helped Zim serve. The smell of food woke the rest up. Soon after, Gir came clanking in. "Oh good, Gir, you're going to make cupcakes with me," said Pefgh. "CUPCAKES! WHEEEEE!!!!" Pefgh and Gir got to work. One Big Huge Gigantic Mess Later!  
  
All the IZ crew were fed and happy. Gir threw muffins at people. "That was good," said Pefgh. "Hey, what are you doing?" Kami asked when she saw Zil writing on a piece of paper. "Shhhh," said Gaz Destiny. "I think she's writing on her magic paper to get us home." "ALL DONE!" Zil declared. "Are you all ready?" "WAIT!" cried Zrab. "Where do you get magic paper?" "They're post-its from Wal-Mart," Zil said naively. "You can use them to travel around the world and even go to Zim's dimension. "WHEE! FRIENDS!" Gir said. "Okay guys..time to say good-bye," Zil said. They all ended in one group hug. "I..can't . breathe." Zim said. Then they let go. "Okay, bye guys. Oh, and the magic words are 'fuzzy rabbits'. See ya at the guild." All of them got home safely. Some ended in weird places-Kami on the kitchen table, CC on top of the television and Zil on her brother, who was watching television. "Hi Paul," she said, getting off of him. "Liz! Liz!" Andrew, her other brother cried. "You were on TV!" "W-what?" "You, and Zim, and the BUMs and a bunch of other people! Butt Ugly Martians was on, but then we saw YOU and watched it! You killed all of them! Mom says you're grounded but still." "It was cool. And we even taped it!" said Rachel, her sister. Zil smiled a cooky smile. "Well, it looks like I'm going to be copying some tapes," she said popping out the tape. 


	8. Corrections!

Correction Page!  
  
Zil-*Waves* Hi it's me. Looks like I have some corrections.I thought that Herb Scannel was the burger guy, so yeah. That was in chapter two I think. If I messed up the chapter numbers, uh, oops. I'm to lazy to go back and check. Whoo-cha! That should be copyrighted to Pefgh, Irken Insane. All of the people in that fic are in my guild on Neopets. IZ Thrillers, Martian Killers. Cryingchildandrir is the leader. Yeah. What the hell kind of music am I listening to? Oh yeah, Coldplay's cd on Musicmatch.well, I'm ranting on now, so I should be going. Late at night has strange effects on ones mind. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Be expecting more from me. I was extremely slow over the summer, and didn't do anything except for delete a story which I feel kinda bad about cuz it had reviews, but now I'm really ranting now so I end now. 


End file.
